Friday, January 01, 2010


I've read lots of blog posts about people summarizing what has happened to them in the past year and then outlining their hopes and dreams and goals for 2010. I'm not going to detail all the events of the past year, but in short:

- My brother and sister-in-law left for Southeast Asia
- My sister graduated from college
- Madison was born
- I quit my job to be a stay-at-home-mom
- We witnessed a terrible hail storm
- Reagan and Madison began sharing a room
- Reagan turned 3

Those are all things you would learn if you just glanced at my calendar.

I don't remember all of my New Years Resolutions for 2009. But the one I remember is this: to draw nearer to God in 2009.

Some backstory. You may have heard me mention before that Reagan had colic for the first 4 months of her life. It was a trying time. And honestly I believe the only thing to do when your baby has colic is just to hang on and hope to survive. Which is what I did. I simply survived. And when she grew out of her colic I did not so much come out of survival mode into a more alive state of being. This probably makes very little sense so I'll just sum it up into saying the first year of Reagan's life was an ugly time for me.

I was very afraid the same thing would happen when Madison was born - whether or not she had colic. So many months before she was born I began praying that God would give help me hold onto a more positive attitude this time around. So when she was born and Reagan would take a nap, I would sit on my couch, sleeping baby on my shoulder, and read my Bible. And then I would journal. And then I would pray. I held onto that daily routine with a fervor and a stubbornness far beyond what I ever believed I was capable of. I clung to it. There were many many many days I did not want to have that quiet time. There were countless times when a nap sounded so much more appealing and important to my mental and emotional state. There were so many other things I could have done - so many household chores or meals or loads of laundry that beckoned me and begged for attention. But I simply refused to give up.

And honestly, even though there were some bad days - sometimes when I gave in and took the nap instead or days when I just flat out ran from God - I have drawn nearer to God this year than ever before. I have learned so much from reading His Word, from developing a consistent prayer life, from reading books that helped me understand how to find God's will for my life, from looking at my life through His eyes. I really don't know how I ever survived before. That sounds kinda dumb and overly-dramatic, but try as I may to write that sentence any other way, well, I can't. I really don't know how I ever survived before.

Don't mistake all of this for pride or bragging. There is a lot of this that I am not proud of. I'm just trying to be real and honest.

I have a lot of goals and dreams for 2010. I haven't take a lot of time to sit down and flesh them all out just yet. But the one I know is this: to draw even nearer to God in 2010. Its at the top of a tall list. But if 2009 was a preview of what my life could be in 2010, well, I'm good with that. This past year, I was blessed to know Him. In 2010, I want to know Him more. Everything else will work itself out.

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