Friday, April 17, 2009

Better Days

I’m happy to report that the mere act of confessing my bad-Tuesday was incentive enough for me to have a better Thursday! I still didn’t get what I would normally consider “a lot” done, but I did accomplish some small tasks and I spent quality time with Reagan. At any rate, I feel a little better about myself. Still winded, but happier.

Last night I had this really great pregnancy dream that I went into labor and Brian stayed home to take care of Reagan for a while. Then when I called him to tell him to come to the hospital because they were going to do a c-section, he freaked out because he couldn’t find the list of stuff he needed to bring. And where was the list. He needed the list! He wasn’t leaving without the list! Sadly, I woke up before I got to see the end of this great drama.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I should probably not be watching television for the sake of my mental health. I think I’ve mentioned before that I have a small problem with what I call “waking nightmares”. Basically, if I let my mind wander, I imagine all kinds of horrible things happening to me or my loved ones. And then I get really upset and freaked out. Its not cool. And I think I could probably eliminate a great deal of these terrifying episodes if I would just not watch television. So many programs, though interesting, just add fuel to that fire. For example, last night I watched Private Practice for the first time in MONTHS. I wish now that I hadn’t. Watching a mother lose a child to measles, even though I know it was just a show, was very upsetting to me. Our entertainment center has doors on it. I think I’m going to start leaving them closed for long periods of time.

What a gorgeous week of weather we have had here. I know you probably don’t care at all about my weather. I understand that. But it has enabled Reagan and I to take a lot of walks and go to the park and the pond. I think the exercise is pretty good for me - even if I am white-knuckling the handle of the stroller half the time. And yeah, I think it gives me contractions but they never hurt so I just don’t care. The time spent with my daughter is so worth any amount of discomfort or exhaustion I experience. Watching her laugh and squeal as she swings is pretty awesome. Listening to her chatter the entire time she is in the stroller is terribly amusing. And just having these last days of just her and I is pretty special.

You know what else is special? The looks people give me. My friends, I would have more money than John McCain if I had a dollar for everytime I caught someone giving me a look of pity. So so so many moms have stopped me at the park and asked how much longer I have. Yes, most of them are shocked when they hear I have another month to go. Its amusing. But its also a little embarrassing. Sometimes I feel like I should hide in my house because people are terrified of the enormous pregnant lady who could go into labor AT ANY MOMENT!

And in all of this, I am very mindful that tomorrow we will say a difficult goodbye to Tom and Angie. I’m not going to lie - everytime I think about it I start tearing up. We will see them off at the airport in the morning and their flight leaves around noon (CST). We don’t plan to hang out at the airport until their flight leaves because even though Reagan loves airplanes, I think her patience may wear out. That and I don’t feel like taking that much public inspection (my size draws a bit of attention, as previously mentioned). Oh, and by then I’ll be out of kleenex anyway. But yes, tomorrow will be a bit difficult for all of us - Tom and Angie and their families! I’ll post a list of prayer requests tomorrow. For now, just pray for peace.

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