I like to email. I also like to send little messages on myspace and facebook to long lost friends. But lately I have been pretty tempted to drop this emailing/messaging habit and just pick up the phone already.
Here’s my issue with internet communication: it stops. Let me clarify. Say you send a message to someone over the internet. It sparks a series of communications back and forth. They respond. You respond. It becomes a conversation in slow motion. But inevitably, one party abruptly leaves the conversation, leaving the other party feeling completely befuddled.
I probably read too much into it. But I go back and re-read all the messages I sent to them and wonder, did I say something that offended them? Are they mad at me now? Did I just finally annoy someone to death and they are lying in a small heap on the floor beside their desk? Seriously though, what if something happened to them? Will anyone ever let me know? A month from now will I get a mass email to everyone in their contact list saying, “So and so was in a horrible accident and is now in a coma.”? What if I don’t get that email? I’ll sit here the rest of my life wondering if they are okay.
And then comes the string of what-now thoughts. Do I send another message? Would that be considered annoying? Will they think I am stalking them? What if they didn’t get my email? What if no one is getting my email? What if I am sending out greetings, salutations, well wishes, humorous stories and NO ONE is receiving them? I would hate to have someone out there think that I didn’t respond and thus be going through the same tumultuous thoughts of what happened to me. But I have a blog so I guess everyone knows I’m still very much alive and still very much over-analyzing everything.
This is probably something only a woman does - sits here for days, weeks, months on end wondering what on earth happened and what to do next. I cam come up with some pretty amazing stories about tragic events that occurred to my message recipients that caused them to be unable to correspond with me any further. Its always a tragic event because a good thing would be worthy of an email sent my way. No one avoids telling good news.
I seem to always be the one with the last word. And I hate that. (It would surprise Hubby very much to read this because the same is not true when it comes to our...discussions.) But in the internet obsessed world we live in, I cannot for the life of me let go of sending messages. Only to have my conversations left hanging...time and time again. I realize that in reality, most people probably just forgot to email me or got a little tired of typing up their thoughts and sending them my way day after day. Everyone is probably just perfectly fine. People are most likely not mad at me, but just have actual lives they are attempting to live. They are busy and have ~gulp~ better things to do with their time.
It would just be nice to hear it. If I made you mad, go ahead and tell me. If I hurt your feelings, please let me know. If I sent one too many emails and you are now in great danger of losing your eyesight due to prolonged periods of staring at a computer screen containing yet another communication from me, please tell me you just need a break already and go bug someone else for a while. And if you forgot, just send a little note to let me know you haven’t forgotten how to email its just that you didn’t respond...nothing more. And maybe, I’ll shut up and leave you alone. Until you email me again. And then it will start all over.
To be perfectly clear, this isn’t directed at any one person. Its just something that happened to me somewhere over a dozen times in the recent past and it has me a bit...lonely. And anxious.
In the internet message world, though I would love to believe otherwise, I am very high maintenance.