Friday, August 17, 2007

I would love

I can't tell you how many times in a day, this lady who just "bragged" about contentment utters the words "I would love" - either out loud or in her thoughts. Innocuous though it may be at times (I would love a cheeseburger), it frequents deeper, more longing thoughts (I would love to be less self-critical).

I have been doing a fair amount of thinking about who it is I would love to be. What are the things in life I would love to do. Where are the places I would love to go. I'm afraid the lists are endless. But here's a small taste.

  • I would love to be a motivational speaker. How fun would that be!? Of course, this would require me to be knowledgeable and incredibly funny - neither of which are within my current reach.
  • I would love to play the guitar really well. I am learning songs, but I have quite a ways to go before I attain the "really well" postscript. The other night I tuned it all by myself and I don't mind telling you I nearly screamed with pride. Silly. Baby. Steps.
  • I would love to go to Italy. The food. The atmosphere. The history. The old world charm. Sounds glorious. Looks beautiful.
  • I would love to have the Bible knowledge a few of my friends have. I am so in awe of the way they know scripture - the way they study scripture. And their relationships with God are really beautiful. Something of an inspiration.
  • I would love to publish my own book. I have no idea how to do that or what I would write about. But I'd love it just the same.
  • I would love to have dinner parties. I'm no chef so I'd have to do some serious cooking practice before I'd allow this to happen.
  • I would love to have a house that people felt they could just drop by and say hello.
  • I would love to sit on my deck in the evenings and sip lemonade.
  • I would love to have a porch swing on my patio.
  • I would love to write my own songs.
  • I would love to read more books.
  • I would love to make Martha Stewart's cheesecake. I haven't brought myself to do it because it requires 4 - 8oz. bars of cream cheese. Just reading the recipe I gained 5 pounds.

See, lots of stuff. That's just a short short list. Sometimes I think, this little "I would love" list is ridiculous. A perfect example of discontentment.

But in a completely sick way, I think the list is helpful. We're nothing if we don't have dreams and aspirations. If my dream is to make artery-clogging cheesecake, well, at least I have goals.

I especially think the list is helpful when I look back and see all the things that aren't on the list anymore.

  • I would love to get married to a wonderful Christian man.
  • I would love to have a baby someday.
  • I would love to sing in front of church and not be afraid.
  • I would love to play guitar.
  • I would love to own my own home.
  • I would love to be in a good Women's bible study.
  • I would love to belong to a vibrant Christ-focused church.

That list (more than you see here) is even longer. All these things that I have uttered once upon a time and all these things God has blessed me with. It is interesting to note that not a single one of them came to me without some effort. Even when the pursuit of our dreams is not easy, that doesn't make the journey useless.

And with all that, it makes me wonder what God's list for me is. Many things may well match my own. Many things may not. I would love to see it.

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