Eleven

Dear Reagan,

Today you are 11 years old.  Watching you grow up so quickly sort of makes me catch my breath.  With each passing year you mature a little bit more and become a more grownup version of you.  At 11, this is what that looks like for you.

You still love legos, though over time I notice you simply building and creating things a little more than playing.  Your creativity with these little plastic blocks amazes me.  The things you can create and engineer are impressive.  It’s really the only toy that you play with anymore.

You also love playing games.  Family game nights are something you frequently request.  Most of the time you are a good sport.  I find it a difficult lesson that I need to teach you though – this business of losing with grace and poise.  For you, losing is painful.  You try so hard in all that you do and games don’t always reward effort. 

School is not a worry for you.  You genuinely enjoy going to school and 5^th grade might just be your best year yet.  You work hard at school and pay attention.  You strive to do well in everything you do.  You memorize well.  As long as the instructions are clear you thrive.  It’s in the gray areas and the more vague projects that you are most challenged.

We absolutely loved watching you play soccer this fall.  You are not the biggest one on the field – not by a long shot.  You are not the fastest, strongest or most athletic.  But what you lack in these areas you make up for with effort.  You always try.  You try so very hard.  And because of the heart you put into it, you are this wonderful force to be reckoned with.  I admire so much your extreme effort and the way you never give up.

You have some beautifully unique talents that we are just beginning to see.  One of them is your deep love for little children.  When you babysit you are completely comfortable and at peace.  You focus on the children in your care and you entertain them with grace and patience and kindness.  Most adults would do a far poorer job than you when caring for little ones.  You still want to be a teacher and I think you will be a marvelous one!

Another talent that continues to develop is your musical abilities.  You have begun singing with me on praise team several times a year.  You’ve done solos in front of church.  You continue to do well with piano and enjoy playing.  We were excited to see you take up the trumpet, following in your father’s footsteps.  You had really hoped to get flute, but when you were assigned trumpet you accepted it without too much fuss.  Little did we know just how perfect that instrument would be for you.  You have a lovely clear tone when you play and what I had been dreading (squeaky practicing) never came to be.  Instead I enjoy listening to you no matter what instrument you are playing.

You are extremely responsible.  You take charge of anything assigned to you and do it with your whole mind, heart, soul and strength.  You are tenacious and determined.  And if there is the slightest downside to that it is that sometimes you struggle to just relax and let things be good enough.  I am trying to teach you that it is okay to simply try things and not always be met with success.  It is okay to not be perfect.  It is okay to do your best and let that be good enough. 

You are good enough.  You are a beautiful, smart and kind young lady.  The years to come  may be full of uncertainty for you.  I see hints of some tumultuous times ahead.  There are many times when I see you looking to me for reassurance.  I see the look in your eyes – the questions.  Am I good enough?  Am I okay even though I messed up?  Do you still love me even if I am not quite perfect?  I catch you searching my face for acceptance and I hope I have been showing you that yes, you are enough.  You are so much more than enough.  Imperfect you is so perfectly designed. 

You are not simply enough – you are an abundant blessing in my life.  I learn so much from you – from your patience and tenderness, from your hard work and effort, from your gentle thoughts and questions.  I am not afraid of your future.  I know you will approach it with the same tenacity and determination with which you live now. 

Even now I see the faith blossoming richly and warmly inside you.  In the questions you ask, in the prayers you pray, and in the way you trust in God to guide you, I hear your faith speaking.  Through your decisions, you can determine to some extent the path of your life.  But there will be so much out of your control.  And here’s what you will need to know – that when life seems out of your control, the only place to turn is to the One who holds it all in His hands.  I pray that you will trust Him with your whole heart, mind, soul and strength.  Lean into Him, press into Him, in those times when you feel at the end of yourself.  That is where you will find Him.  He’ll never let you down.

You are too precious to Him for Him to not care about every detail of your life.  And you are precious to me.  I love you more with each passing year.  You are a sweet gift to my heart and I am so indescribably proud to call you my daughter.

I love you so!

Love,

Mom