Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Having a son

When we got pregnant, we were certainly curious about what we would have.  Would we end up with three girls or would we have a little boy?  Honestly, it truly did not matter either way.  We really weren't trying for a boy.  We would have been thrilled with another girl. 

You see, girls are something we understand.  Though every child is different, we have had some experience with girls so we felt pretty prepared for a baby of the female variety. 

But when the ultrasound technician told us Reagan and Maddie would have a little brother, well, that was pretty exciting.  That very day I hit a garage sale with lots of boy clothes and I bought a LOT of stuff.  It was so so fun to pick up little blue and brown things with dinosaurs, alligators and guitars all over it.  I continued to go to garage sales all summer, buying little boy things and loving every minute of it.

Our shopping trip right before Hunter was born was lots of fun too.  I loved picking out his going home outfit and a soft blue blanket. 

At night I would lie in bed and wonder what he would look like, what his voice would sound like, what color his hair would be, and what his favorite subject in school would be.  I would take walks around the neighborhood and wonder what he would be like as a teenager or what job he would have as an adult. 

And then Hunter arrived.  In those first few days, I could tell he was different from our girls.  He almost never cried.  He was calm.  He was easy.  If he fussed, he stopped all on his own without any shushing or rocking or pacifying. 

I will never as long as I live, forget the night where he was in my room and I had just fed him.  I held him close on my shoulder and stroked his fuzzy head and he just stared at me.  That was one of the best moments of my life.

Little things like that have continued to happen.  After years of dressing little girls in frills, pink and purple, ruffles and lace, I absolutely love getting Hunter dressed each day.  I love the way he tries to be super strong and hold up his head and look all around.  I love his pouty lip (it is really impressive).  I love his grunts and sighs and sneezes.  I love the confused looks he gets on his face.  I even love his cry. 

It isn't that I love him more than my girls.  It's just different.  My Mom said that to me for years - that she just loved us all different.  And I totally get it.  It is different.  It isn't more or less or stronger or weaker or better.  It's just love for this tiny person who knew your voice before any other. 

But love him, I do.  I adore him.  I absolutely think he is the sweetest little boy.  And I still like to daydream and wonder about him.  At times, it scares me to think about my role as a mother of a son.  I mean, I know how to raise girls to be women because I am one.  This mothering of a boy who will become a man is a little more unknown to me.  :)  But for now, I simply love being this guy's Mommy.  He's such a joy to us and we are so very grateful for him.

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