My bags are packed, I’m ready to go...

WRITER'S NOTE: THIS WAS TO BE POSTED MONDAY, OCTOBER 30, BUT THE INTERNET WAS CRANKY.


Before you ask, yes, I am still here.

This weekend I packed my bag for the hospital. The whole thing was rather strange. As I took the tiny pair of socks and the tiny onesie out of the drawer and placed them carefully in my bag, I shook my head. It just doesn’t seem real. I’ve had this thought many times over the past month or so. I feel the baby move all day. I can see the baby moving - especially during church. I am visibly nearing the end of my journey. But does all this really end with a tiny little miracle being placed in my arms? My very own baby? A child that I will be able to snuggle and take home and dress up in all sorts of very embarrassing outfits? In my head I know its true, but its just so hard to believe at this point.

I must admit that there are a few things that make me nervous about this upcoming event. No, not labor. No, not the middle of the night feedings. No, not the lack of sleep. Mostly I am afraid I will be the most selfish mother you have ever met. As I have said before, I am not one to ask others if I can hold their babies. But when it comes time to hold my child, I don’t know that I will ever give him or her up. I mean, really, I don’t know if I will ever utter the words "would you like to hold _______". I after a while, the newness and selfishness may wear off a little. But at this point I don’t see that happening for several months. For those of you who are afraid you won’t be allowed to hold our baby, please don’t panic. I will let you hold the baby...most likely. But you will wash your hands and you will be forced to give it back at some point. And you will be subjected to me, the mother hen, hovering nearby.

My other fear is perfectly legitimate and very realistic. I am afraid the first several weeks of my baby’s life will fly by me all too quickly. This fear of events passing me by usually results in my taking of entirely too many pictures. My child’s first memory may be of mom with a camera flashing repetitive photos incessantly. But truly, I want to be able to soak it all up. I don’t want to miss anything. and I want to remember it all. Considering the time it took me to find the lid to milk carton this morning, the remembering-it-all part could be asking far too much of this brain in my head.

So some of you may be totally sick of my blogs about the soon-to-arrive baby. I am tempted to apologize, but in my heart I know I have nothing to apologize about. While the world does not revolve around my baby, and never will, I am just very eager to meet this tiny person. And most of you don’t come here to read anything more than an entertaining piece on my life as I see it. There are a lot of other things happening in life, but none of them occupy my thoughts and prayers as much as this. And quite frankly, they just aren’t nearly as interesting.