Ode to Pants (the dog)

Whenever we’d pull onto the lane
Running towards us you would bound
Through slitted eyes and gritted teeth
I would say "Oh great, he’s still around"

You did not bark like other dogs
Most of the time you howled
And your strange undoglike cries
Only made me scowl

At night we would sleep peacefully
At least until 2 a.m.
At which time you roused us all
For nothing, yet again

You dug a strange deep dark hole
Underneath the large oak tree
And when you sat inside of it
Your head was all we’d see

You terrorized my favorite dog
BJ never did you harm
But yet you snipped and chased at him
All around the farm

I don’t believe I patted you
Anywhere but on your head
The rest of you was a matted mess
You just weren’t well kempt

Chunks of rabbits, deer and rats
You would leave at front of the door
Each morning there was a new surprise
Mom couldn’t take anymore

We didn’t really want you
You just showed up one day
And because we couldn’t make you leave
You were fortunate to stay

No one ever claimed you
No one called or placed an ad
You were an odd old dog
And you often made me mad

We even tried to give you away
To someone who wanted you
Maybe they would clean you up
And make you look brand new

I truly don’t think you were well
or mentally stable and sound
And I often wondered just how long
on earth you’d been around

So when one day I heard that you
Had not come home from the field
I was relieved to know that you
Had finally over keeled

You never really did me harm
But to my dog you were rude
And I didn’t especially appreciate
Your curmudgeonly attitude

Truly there was a better place
For you than at our home
And hopefully you’ve found true peace
And a lovely place to roam

The sweet black lab you picked upon
The one you tried to maul
Is the only one who’s sad
And misses you most of all