Happy 16th Birthday, Maddie!

 Dear Maddie,

Today you are sixteen years old.  When I think about you as my daughter, I admit that my mind first pictures you at about the age of 3 or 4 – your hair all fluffy and floating in the breeze.  Your big gap-toothed smile and the sparkle in your eye.  Your tiny self, full of big enthusiasm for everything.  And your constant need to be hugged.  You are not this tiny girl anymore.  But when I remember who you once were I still see her in you. 

You are still one smart kid.  You don’t just get good (very very good) grades in school, but you also make wise choices.  When there are situations in life that require hard decisions, you really think it all through carefully.  Whether it be how to manage your time or a friendship issue, you take your time to fully process and look at all the options.  I love this about you.  I can see that God has given you a great gift of wisdom and discernment and it’s wonderful to celebrate that about you.

You are diligent and hardworking.  You made the switch this year to a new place of employment.  You got your dream job of working in a clothing retail store.  I can honestly say that you were made for this role.  So many times when shopping you give such good advice.  You are honest but also flattering when appropriate.  You have a wonderful eye for fashion and always dress nicely.  You take your work seriously and I think customers appreciate your attentiveness and gentle guidance.

That same diligence comes into play when we talk about you as an athlete.  You work hard at your sports.  You played volleyball again this year.  You’re very good at that because you fall down a lot (sorry, its true).  But you pop right back up with a smile and a laser focus.  You are also in soccer this year.  That was a bit of a surprise, but you wanted to be in a sport with some of your friends and you are giving in a whirl.  I’m not surprised to say you are doing a great job.  I knew you would put your heart and soul into working at it and learning it.  You have played goalie some and though it terrifies me you are absolutely fearless and aggressive and brave.  It’s fun to watch you play any sport, honestly.  You have a gentle easy joy when you play.  While you take it seriously, you don’t take it TOO seriously and you still have fun with it.  I love watching you play.

You are the middle child.  With a big sister you have watched her do all the things first.  Sometimes you have followed in her footsteps because she made wise choices that you could respect and imitate.  Sometimes you have gone your own way because you wanted to express your personality and gifting.  You are truly you – not a copy of Reagan – but a uniquely wonderful young lady who has her own likes and dislikes.  Of course you are also a big sister to Hunter.  The two of you are a party.  There’s just no other way to describe it.  You love him and dote on him and absolutely pester him to death.  I think he gives it right back to you.  There’s a lot of laughter on your part and a lot of yelling on his.  The two of you take ridiculous pictures together which he has forbidden me from sharing.  If we need a good laugh all we have to do is pull out your phone and look through your pictures and videos.  And yet, there is a deep love between all three of you.  I love the friendship that I see there.  You have dear dear friends for life in your siblings.  I hope you know how fiercely loved you are by them.

You take your faith seriously.  You seem to thoroughly enjoy reading, learning, growing in your faith.  I love the way you make your sermon notes a work of visual art.  I love that I can find you sitting at your desk or in your chair in your room doing your devotions.  I love the way you seek out those same deep-faith qualities in your friendships.  You are governed by a set of rules far above the ones that we have in our home.  And that is by your choice.  You live as a reflection of your Savior and it’s a beautiful thing to see.

You love to spend time with children.  You teach VBS and our preschool Sunday school class each year.  You genuinely enjoy putting together the lessons and leading the kids through the activities and stories.  You are so patient and gracious with them.  I don’t know what your future will hold, but any children in your life will be blessed by you.

There’s something about you that just lights up the room.  Is it your smile or your eyes or your personality?  Maybe all of those?  Maybe it’s just the way you are attentive and kind to others.  You draw people in.  You have so many friends.  You get along with people in all different circles.  And you are welcoming to others in such a wise way.  I love how you love others but also are mindful of guarding your heart.  It’s so difficult to balance vulnerability with carefulness.  But you seem to do it so well.  That is something I have always admired about you.

You still love pandas and squishmallows and jellycat stuffed animals.  You love chocolate and peach rings.  You love big acai bowls and bananas and fancy coffee drinks.  You love cute outfits, makeup and long hair.  You love being healthy and going for walks with friends.  You love the Great British Baking Show (kids edition) and movies.  You love your stuffed animals like they are real creatures and your siblings like they are best friends.  Overall – you just do that – you love. 

On your sixteenth birthday I hope you know just how loved you are in return.  You see, sixteen-year-old you is still that little girl full of sparkle and fun and humor and determination and tenderness.  You have this beautiful way of seeing people and what they are feeling.  And you don’t turn away from it.  You so gently come alongside those who are hurting or struggling and offer a peaceful presence and a quiet word of encouragement.  You’ve done that for me many times.  It isn’t something a parent really expects from their child.  But so many times you have seen when I am having a bad day (or a bad string of days) and you’ve offered your love and encouragement with a simple text or email or hug. 

I’m so proud of the woman you are becoming.  You are a gift to all of us.

I love you, Maddie Grace.

Always,

 

~Mom

Happy 12th Birthday, Hunter!

 Dear Hunter,

Today you are 12 years old.  It’s difficult to remember the days before you were a part of our family.  I remember so clearly the looks on the faces of your big sisters when they walked in the hospital room to meet you.  They were smiling so big and with so much joy.  I don’t think you have ever known a day where they were not happy to see you.  You are deeply loved and a critical piece of this family.

You are a smart kiddo.  With two big sisters modeling hard work and determination, you typically also put forth your best effort.  Taking on more responsibility for your grades and studying in Middle School has been a small adjustment.  But you are figuring it out and doing well.  I am proud of the way you have tried hard and developed a solid work ethic when it comes to your academics.

Nothing shows your determination quite like watching you in sports.  You work hard in every practice, every game, every competition.  The hours you spend in personal practice are significant.  Whether it be on your own or with your Dad or one of your sisters, you spend a lot of time on a baseball diamond, in a batting cage, or on a basketball court.  Though you are growing in size, you are not big.  Most of the time, the other kids on the field or the court tower over you.  But what you lack in size, you make up for in effort and game knowledge.  You are an excellent shot on the basketball court.  And on a baseball field you can catch anything. 

I realized something recently as I was watching you play in a school kickball tournament.  You were one of the youngest kids on the field.  And yet you were out there silently leading your team.  Let’s just say you guys were not winning.  And me…I was a mess on the sideline.  I had become accustomed to watching you compete at an incredibly high level over the summer with your travel baseball team.  Let’s put it this way: it’s not normal to watch you play on a team that is losing.  Now, this kickball game really didn’t matter.  It dawned on me that 1) your competitive nature is genetic, and 2) you handle it better than I do.  I’ve seen you when you are winning.  And I have seen you when you are losing.  And I am immensely proud of you in both of those situations.  You handle gametime pressure with great integrity, calmness and sportsmanship.

Free time at home is spent shooting baskets on your mini basketball hoop, building lego speed cars, crawling behind a toy tractor, going on scooter rides around the block, watching youtube videos or playing games on your tablet.  Most nights I will find you crafting model planes or basketball hoops out of cardboard and candy wrappers in your room.  I like how you still find time to be creative and inventive.

One of your skills is that you can read extremely well and with great expression.  I could hand you a paragraph and you could easily read it cold in front of a group of people.  This is not a skill you are particularly interested in exhibiting or using.  And yet, I know it is one that will serve you well in the future.  You really do present well and seem unphased by public speaking.

Your two big sisters are some of your biggest fans.  They love to encourage you and support you.  Sometimes you don’t really love the attention.  But most of the time, you enjoy hanging out with them, harassing them, or playing “Jailbreak” with them.  The three of you are good friends.  I hope you are always close to them.  They love you more than I can describe, and I know you feel the same way.

You have a fun sense of humor, but it’s a delicate balance.  There are definitely times when you like to be funny and make us laugh.  You’re a master of the lingo and we hear “skibidi” and “sigma” and “cap” more than we can possibly interpret.  But there are also times when we would love to tease you that you absolutely do not appreciate.  You can be very serious at times.  That is not a bad thing – its just a balancing act.

Still your favorite place on earth is Grandma’s farm.  You love to walk around outside and explore through the buildings that you’ve been in countless times.  You have always loved it out there.  The great big yard is perfect for sports and activities.  The house is as familiar to you as our own.  And the outbuildings still hold traces of your Grandpa.  I know you love it because you feel close to him there.  There is still a fierce love in you for your Grandpa.  You remind me of him when you tease us.  You remind me of him when you play baseball.  You remind me of him when you watch a basketball game and have all kinds of commentary. 

This is not an easy time to grow up.  I don’t know if any time in history would be described as “easy”, but this era is one full of hazards that haven’t really been navigated before.  Digital media and the ever presence of technology is a lot to manage for adults, much less preteens.  We are doing our best as parents, but it feels like we are constantly adjusting rules or expectations or boundaries.  What is wise and acceptable one day can be suddenly not okay the next.  I’m praying that through all of this you will gain wisdom over how to exist as a Godly boy in an online world.  It’s a challenging place full of dangerous traps and problematic options.  It can be used for good, but it can also be used against you for evil. 

You love sci-fi movies, aviation, and hiking in the woods.  You love tigers, hamsters, and your stuffed pig “Wanda”.  You love cheeseburgers, scalloped potatoes and bismarks.  You love coffee and make a whole pot whenever I ask you to do so.  You are a great kid – one I enjoy spending time with and one I am very proud to call my own. 

The years ahead will bring some changes for you and for us.  You are growing up and some of your siblings will soon be heading off to college.  One day we will have to say goodbye to the farm you love so dearly.  There are things about life right now that you and I would like to freeze and hold onto forever.  It’s not that I don’t want you to get any older, but more that I want to soak up all the awesomeness of who you are right now.  I don’t want to forget the way you laugh, the look on your face when you step up to that plate with a bat in your hands, the sound of your voice telling me a story about PE at school.  Those are the golden joys that I hold close.  No matter what tomorrow brings, I know Who holds your future.  He loves you more than I ever could.  I pray you will continue to look to Him, to lean into Him and to trust in Him with whatever comes your way.

I love you, Hunter.

Always,

~Mom

 

Happy 18th Birthday, Reagan!

 Dear Reagan,

Today is November 22, 2024.  Somehow that means it has been 18 years since November 22, 2006.  Eighteen years ago, I held my daughter for the first time.  I stared down at your face and marveled at not just your arrival and existence, but also at this precious baby girl that was finally mine.  Today I find myself looking up into your lovely face, inches above mine.  You were lovely then, and absolutely beautiful now. 

For 18 years I have watched you grow and learn and develop and blossom.  Aside from the first four colicky months of your life, you have never been a loud child.  Most of the time you are content to sit back and watch and listen to others.  You aren’t a spotlight seeker.  And yet, there are times when you end up in that place because you just shine. 

Of course I could go and list all of the various talents that make you you.  I could write about your incredible gift on the trumpet, your unearthly talent at the piano, your ability to get perfect grades, your talent for helping customers and managing employees at the bakery, your grit and determination on a tennis court, or your strong connection to your siblings.  For 17 years I have done that.  It’s fun to think about all the different pieces that make Reagan who she is today.  But there’s a deeper way of knowing who you are.  One that reveals whose you are.  On this day, I want to take a turn and write about that instead.

You choose the path of peace.  I’ll admit that I have a bit of a fiery personality at times.  I get too concerned with justice which can lead me dangerously close to vengeance.  I cannot count the number of times where my reaction is to confront.  And sometimes, that is okay.  But you always shake your head at my suggestions of snappy replies or lesson-teaching tactics.  Confrontation is not your way.  You are absolutely not a pushover.  You hold your ground on what is important to you, but you are never one to loudly insist or to lash out at others.  Even when a big reaction is completely understandable, you still calmly move through the world.  You don’t make unnecessary waves.  You choose peace.  You pursue it.  You value relationship far above being right. 

You choose the path of truth.  Four years ago, I don’t think anyone would have ever considered you to be a great athlete.  You did just fine at soccer.  But somewhere along the way between junior high and high school, you chose to pursue tennis.  In high school tennis, there are no referees.  You and your opponent must make the line calls and keep the scores accurate.  There have been plenty of matches where I sat and watched you compete against less than honest opponents.  Yet you never retaliate with a bad call of your own.  You are honest and you live truthfully.  Your grades are truly your own.  You don’t participate in cheating.  You don’t gossip or care about rumors.  We don’t have to question if what you are telling us is the truth because it would be so wildly outside of your character to be untruthful. 

You choose the path of excellence.  I doubt that I have ever met someone with more grit and determination than you.  There are so many ways that you have courageously put yourself out there and risked rejection.  I’ve watched you go through more auditions and chair placements and honor bands than I could have ever imagined.  Remember that 4^th grade little girl who was so bummed she didn’t get assigned the flute for band?  Yeah, well, you left her in the dust.  In 5^th grade you leaned over to me during a middle school band concert where they were handing out awards.  Quietly, almost conspiratorially, and rather out of your character, you whispered to me, “I’m going to win one of those someday.”  I think I told you something like, “Well, you can do it.  But it will take work.”  The amount of time you have spent perfecting your craft on the trumpet is beyond impressive.  But it’s the courage that you bring to each and every performance that impresses me more. 

You choose the path of kindness and compassion.  The two people who call you big sister value your presence in their lives and in our home more than words can say.  For two girls in high school, you and Maddie get along amazingly well.  Yeah, there might be annoyances now and then.  You’re always five minutes behind and she always makes a mess of the bathroom counter.  But beyond that, there isn’t much tension between the two of you.  You’re very different, and yet you make an effort to encourage, support and cheer on your younger sister.  Your connection with Hunter goes far beyond hours of playing “Jailbreak” on your devices.  You tease Hunter in ways that he would not accept from anyone else.  They both see you as a dear friend because you treat them not with competition but with compassion.  You genuinely want to see them do well.

You choose the path of wisdom.  A much younger version of me worried when you didn’t have a whole big crew of friends.  Eventually realizing that who you are friends with is really not up to me, I let go and let you find your place.  You evaluate people with the right set of metrics.  And you invest in people who build you up, who encourage you, and whose values match with yours.  You are careful and intentional, without being closed off and snobby.  And even though your circle is small, it contains people who are trustworthy.  Somehow you balance all of this while still being approachable to nearly everyone.  You are never spiteful or cruel to others in how you treat them or speak about them behind their back.  You give grace when others need it the most – which is always when they deserve it the least. 

You choose the path of creativity.  There are songs that you have played on our piano that have never existed before.  Several times I sit there listening, realizing I am hearing something no one has ever heard.  The music just flows.  You simply sit and it is there, pouring out of you in notes and chords and rhythms.  I live with a long list of moments where I wish I had pulled out my phone to record even just the sound of you playing a piece you were creating on the spot.  I guess I always thought composers sat there and painfully plucked out a note at a time.  Now, I wonder differently.  I wonder if they don’t sit down and their heart connects with their fingers and out comes the song in a torrent of sound and resonance.  I really don’t know or understand how you do it.  You always tell me it’s really not that big of a deal and I haven’t found a single person who agrees with you on that yet.  But it’s special.  It’s beautiful.  It’s unique.  And it’s creativity that amazes me.      

You choose the path of beauty.  It’s one thing to see all these talents of yours, but it’s another thing to see the heart behind them.  You’ve learned not just how to be a person in the world, but how to be YOU in the world.  You are not some random collection of talents or abilities.  You are a carefully designed reflection of character qualities that echo a Savior.  Reagan in these 18 years, I’ve seen you become more and more like Jesus.  His love, his gentleness, his compassion, his wisdom, his honesty, his peace, his grace…I see it shining through you.  And even though you are a stunningly beautiful on the outside, it is the girl beneath the surface that takes my breath away. 

This will be the last of the birthday letters to you that I will publish online.  I’m definitely not stepping away from my role in your life.  But you are about to leap off into the world and soar.  I am not afraid of your future.  What a joy it has been to be your Mom.  What an honor it has been to walk alongside you for 18 years.  What a blessing you are to me each and every single day.  What a gift you have been to all of us all along the way.  I’m going to spend the rest of eternity loving you and celebrating the person that you are. 

I love you always, always, always.

Love,

 

Mom